Love. One of society’s most favourite topics.
We think about it. Analyze it. Question it. Write songs about it. Cry over it. Talk to friends about it.
We love love.
Frankly, we’re obsessed with it.
Thing is — we don’t understand it just about as much as we don’t understand dying.
But that doesn’t stop us from throwing our opinions around about love. Especially love that happens “fast”.
When we hear about FAST love, we have some things to say, hunnie.
Earlier this summer I met someone at a party when I was travelling. I returned to said city to spend an amazing 5 days with them. It was intense, passionate, fun, heavy, light, epic. We were basically inseparable for that time period. We separated to work, and that’s it.
In that short time, I loved the shit out of that person.
I saw the best parts of them (and some of the bad ones).
I felt their essence and their soul.
And I decided I loved them.
I chose to.
I didn’t “fall” in love.
There wasn’t an oops moment, where my feelings and emotions got away from me.
I saw this person in front of me and was like, “Hell yes. I love this person. This person is great. This person is lovely. I want to open my heart.”
So I did.
And it was great!
Why wouldn’t it be?!
Why would we need to *wait* to choose to love someone? If love is a verb and a choice, then I can choose to love someone whenever I want to.
This is what people said to me when I told them I fell in love in 5 days.
“That’s Not Love, That’s Lust”
Who died and made you the authority on love, Chris?
Let’s define these terms.
Love: Intense feelings of deep affection.
Lust: Very strong sexual desire.
These are the basics to behold if you spend 0.5 seconds on the Internet.
On this front, I was both in love and in lust with said person. More for me!
I got cautioned by friends, about what I did with my love.
Let’s play a different scenario out. If I had met a really amazing person at a party and they were gay (true facts, this also happened), and I told people I loved them (also true), they would not (and did not) react the same way.
Herein lies the problem. We caution one another about ‘romantic’ love, but not about friendship love.
Not cool, guys. Love is love.
The only difference with romantic love is the implied risk. The risk of ‘rejection’ is greater than with non-romantic loves. And we’re all scared as fuck.
Well I’m not, so keep moving.
“Whoa. That’s A Lot”
Is it a lot? Or is it normal?
I once remember a conversation on the phone with my Mother. I was crying about a guy I had been dating for 4 or 5 months. I was questioning whether it was okay to love him so soon, and to care so much about what he was doing in his life and if I fit into it. He was travelling abroad for work. I missed him.
I was judging my own damn self for my own damn feelings.
And my mother said, “Most people are lovable.”
Yes. They are. And so, we love them. It’s neither a lot nor a little. It just fucking is.
“You Guys Are Intense”
Intense has a negative connotation, generally. Do you say that because you are afraid to be intense? Have you been called it before? Are you on the ‘I’m chill and cool 2019' vibe where people are unavailable and casual?
I don’t know, but where is this coming from?
If being intense is bad then I don’t want to be good.
I would rather be known for putting my heart on the line than keeping my feels inside and never telling anyone anything ever.
“It’s Going to Fizzle Out”
This response told me about my impending doom. Please, forecast more to me what’s going to happen based on your personal experience and watching TV and movies.
Tell me again what’s going to happen next, I’m all ears, Tanner.
Here’s what this tells us: fast love isn’t real and therefore won’t last.
Do a quick Google search and Bustle will tell you what’s what: 9 Signs Your Hot And Heavy Relationship Will Fizzle Out.
The article talks about ignoring signs, having nothing but sexual chemistry, yada yada. These are stories we tell ourselves in the love and dating game. And I want outtie.
Relationships change. That’s a no-brainer. But if, upon hearing about someone’s new feelings, love, and experience, we forecast doom upon them, that is some next level crazy.
Here’s What I Say: Love Is A Choice.
It says more about the person doing the loving than the person being loved. (hi, its me!).
What does it say about me? I wanted to love. My heart was open. I was willing.
So I did.
I can choose whatever I want. Because it’s mine.
So next time someone tells you about their love experience, I invite you to listen.
Take in the experience they are sharing.
It’s probably worth hearing about before society steps in and gives its opinions via your vessel.
Ask yourself if the phrases coming out of your mouth are owned by you. Or are they years of conditioning and messaging?
Stop being scared. For yourself and others.
Life is short. Love is a choice. Expression is beautiful.
Next time try, “That sounds amazing. Tell me more.”